Gritty Hope

     As I tried to think of a good name for this blog, many ideas came to mind and most, if not all, of those ideas were linked to another blog, podcast, or musical band. It turned out to be a blessing in disguise, because it made me slow down and really think about the purpose behind this blog. I thought about what I have been learning over the last few years of struggling with chronic pain, miscarriages, food allergies, and many other unpleasant circumstances.  I wanted to write about the hardship of life, but I want to share the hopeful moments in the midst of potential despair. I was listening to a sermon a few months ago and the pastor asked if we have more hope or despair. My first thought was “Can’t we have both?” That was how I felt in that moment. I had hope in Jesus and I knew a lot of hopeful verses, but I was struggling with finding hope in my current situation. I had hope that God would work all things for my good, but I didn’t have hope that my baby without a heartbeat would be born breathing. It was kind of a tangled time for me. I felt a lot of despair (loss of hope) for things in my physical life to get better, but my hope in Christ hadn’t lessened.  I felt like I was hopeful in the midst of despair. As I wrestled with the contradiction of hope and despair, I realize that hope is not a one and done sort of thing. It is easy to hope when things are great, but much harder to hope in the hard times. I believe for our hope to last more than a minute, hour, or day, it needs to be persistent. It needs to be gritty (showing courage and resolve). Gritty hope is what I am striving for. Hope that Jesus loves me even when I feel unloved or unlovable. Hope that when my world is crashing, I have a better world to hope for. When my body fails me, hope in a new body that will be free of ailments. When the job is lost, hope that God is my Provider. When the baby is lost, hope that God can heal my heart. In this blog I hope to share about the tough times and how God has renewed my strength and worked in ways that only He can. I hope that as you read you may find some hope for yourself. Jesus is our healer even when he doesn’t heal what we want. He is our provider, even when he doesn’t provide in the way we want. He is our protector, even when we get hurt. Hope is messy. It is hard to make sense of in the painful world that we live in. Here is a glimpse into my struggle to have Gritty Hope.

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