Learning to be Weak

    I grew up believing that I needed to be tough. There were a lot of reasons I believed that, but the reason that stands out, is the fact that I grew up around some amazingly resilient people. I wanted to be like them and I think my childish mind interpreted their actions differently than would have been helpful. I thought being tough meant ignore pain and/or not showing it. I thought it meant being “okay” even when I was not. It has taken years for me to really start shedding that unhealthy view of toughness. It is okay to be tough, but it is important to acknowledge our weaknesses and not pretend they are not there. I have missed out on so many opportunities for support and growth by not sharing with others what was going on in my life.

    The Bible has a lot to say about the benefits of weakness. Have you ever felt so weak, drained, or discouraged that it was hard to pray? Romans 8:26 says: “…the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans.” How cool is that? The Holy Spirit actually prays for us when we are weak. In 2 Corinthians 12:9-10, the Apostle Paul says: “But he (Christ) said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”  I recommend reading the whole chapters to better understand the context. These verses are so much more meaningful when you hear the rest of what Paul says.

    In the last few years, I have tried to be more open about the hard things in life. For most of my life I tried to focus and talk only about the positive, encouraging, and fun parts of life. I have come to realize the blessing and importance of people being open about the tough stuff too. There were many times I needed to hear another person’s journey, so that I would know I was not alone. I needed to hear another’s story so I could ask what to do when I felt lost in the very same situation. I needed encouragement from someone who had made it to the other side of their situation. Those have been some of the greatest gifts to me.

    It is amazing what our bodies and minds can get used to. As someone who has dealt with chronic pain for most of my life, I never fully appreciated that until recently. I did not realize that the amount of pain I was used to was so abnormal. I did not realize it was something I could hope would get better. I was so used to coping with it, that those things did not occur to me. It is often in the comparisons of life that I find truth most apparent. I did not realize how badly I had been hurting until I had my first pain free day in over a year. I have found the same to be true with emotions. I did not realize I was suffering from post partum blues/depression, until I was six weeks out from giving birth to my son and I finally felt like myself again. I did not realize how bad my heart was hurting until, after months of sorrow, I laughed so hard that I cried.

    I appreciate that God is gentle with me. He does not teach me by dousing me with a fire hose of knowledge. He is patient and shows me things as I can understand and digest them. I am thankful for the chunks of understanding that He gives me and that I will never be done learning.