Gritty Hope

     I grew up believing that I needed to be tough. There were a lot of reasons I believed that, but the reason that stands out, is the fact that I grew up around some amazingly resilient people. I wanted to be like them and I think my childish mind interpreted their actions differently than would have been helpful. I thought being tough meant ignore pain and/or not showing it. I thought it meant being “okay” even when I was not. It has taken years for me to really start shedding that unhealthy view of toughness. It is okay to be tough, but it is important to acknowledge our weaknesses and not pretend they are not there. I have missed out on so many opportunities for support and growth by not sharing with others what was going on in my life.      The Bible has a lot to say about the benefits of weakness. Have you ever felt so weak, drained, or discouraged that it was hard to pray? Romans 8:26 says: “…the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know wha...

   My Child: “You didn’t listen to me!” Me: “I did listen and I responded.” As I was about to say more to my child, the thought occurred to me once again how much I am like a child. How often do I feel like God is not listening? In that moment as I watched my child storm out of the room, I realized he thought I was not listening, not because he did not hear me, but because I was not handling the situation in the way he wanted me to. How many times have I had the very same thoughts towards God? It feels like God is not listening or like He does not understand or maybe even that he does not care. But He already knew and understood our grievance perfectly before we ever brought it to Him. He knew before it even happened! His “lack of action” does not mean He is not listening, but it could be that His answer is not something I want to hear. His answer could be “no” or “wait” or “I already have.” I need to remind myself of the prayers He has already answered more often. I...

       Suffering. Doesn’t that word just make you feel warm and fuzzy inside? I know, me neither. Suffering is a tough word. It is something that we all have faced, are facing, or will face. It’s one of the hardest things to explain and sometimes we never get an answer to the question of “Why?” As Christians, I think there is often another layer added to whatever pain we are experiencing. Often we feel like we need to be “Okay.” We hear that we need to trust God more or believe for a miracle, but what happens when in the midst of our belief and our trusting in God, tragedy still strikes. What happens when the miracle doesn’t happen?   When the loved one still dies? When the sickness doesn’t get better? When the relationship still ends?   When the pain still hurts? What then?        That is something I have wrestled with a lot in the last few months. My wrestling has had less to do with whether or not God is still good, and mo...

      As I tried to think of a good name for this blog, many ideas came to mind and most, if not all, of those ideas were linked to another blog, podcast, or musical band. It turned out to be a blessing in disguise, because it made me slow down and really think about the purpose behind this blog. I thought about what I have been learning over the last few years of struggling with chronic pain, miscarriages, food allergies, and many other unpleasant circumstances.   I wanted to write about the hardship of life, but I want to share the hopeful moments in the midst of potential despair. I was listening to a sermon a few months ago and the pastor asked if we have more hope or despair. My first thought was “Can’t we have both?” That was how I felt in that moment. I had hope in Jesus and I knew a lot of hopeful verses, but I was struggling with finding hope in my current situation. I had hope that God would work all things for my good, but I didn’t have hope that my b...